Today wasn’t my day. It really wasn’t at all..not even a little. Gosh! How could I possibly bump into him ever again, more over in my own country. How can I ever forget this terrible terrible day. I mean, the advanced assessment was bad enough although it was a little easier than the one we did previously but still,it’s not that easy to get by as well. I thought that I could catch some fresh air or some cool breeze right after the assessment, by my God, did I pick the wrong venue to hang out today. Well, here’s a little of what happened today at 5.30pm.
After I left PV, I headed to KLCC with a movie in mind, final destination 4-3d version. Yeah...I couldnt wait till Cathay’s 10.05pm show and I didnt want to drive all the way to Sunway, although they had a 5.10pm show...sometimes when I look back, I think I deserve it as well. Hahaha.. But anyway, I headed towards KLCC, surprisingly no jam at all and it was a smooth drive all the way. Yeah, coz most people would probably be at their hometowns by now. So, by the time I reached KLCC, it was slightly after 5pm. Parked my car in the parking bay, usually near the Isetan lift entrance coz I’m just too lazy to walk. Too the elevator up to Isetan and was on my way to the ladies when I heard my name. Or at least, I thought I heard my name. But I didnt look back as I thought it was just another person with the same name. You know..Lynn is a common name after all. It could be Lin, Lyn,Lynn or even Leen. Went to the ladies and did my business, applied some make up, didnt even know what prompted me to do that, comb my hair and got out like 10 minutes later. Walk towards the Total Women area, pluz size clothes for big women, like me and started going through some skirts. Felt someone calling me from behind. Turned and almost FAINTED!! Oh my GOD!! Jesus Christ!!
It was my ex, Ajantha!! It’s been 5 years since we last saw one another, spoke on the phone or even e-mailed. I must say I lost contact with him after the painful break up. But he looked, owh my, still the same old guy, ever so young, ever so gentleman. Geez...I was at total lost. How could a guy that I’ve loved so dearly show up in front of me after 5 years, still looking the same as before when I myself have changed? So, the first question that came through my mind was, “Are you alone?” and he said “Yes”. That drove me crazy...seriously, my mind was a total blank, I was speechless and I couldnt move. I wanted to run. Run as far as I could from him. I didnt want to live through this pain anymore. But one thought gave me shivers. Is this what we call Fate? Were we both fated for one another and were destined to be together like star-crossed lovers? How could this be? How could he re-appear after 5 years, right exactly after separating from Brian. But this can’t be it. I am still engaged to Brian, I do still love Brian and perhaps one day or maybe soon, I could be back with him. I would marry Brian and I know that he still loves me very much. But lets say, we both are just going through a cooling off period for one another. It may work out, it may not. That depends on how we both feel after 1 year. Yeah, the cooling period is 1 year.
Okay, enough of Brian. Let me get back to my ex. A brief history on how we met, fell in love and broke up...
I was 19 when I met Aja over the internet. At that time, I was just a first year law student and alone in KL and being a student, its obvious that I surf the net. But as I can recall, I didnt have any laptop or computers at that time. Probably it was during one of my few trips back to Penang that I was chatting online and met him. He was attached to Emirates Airlines in Dubai at that time as a Briefing Officer. He would brief the flight crew an hour before departure just to make sure everything was fine. Owh..did I mention that he was Sri Lankan? And that he was married at that time, to a flight attendant from Sri Lankan Airways but was in the midst of a divorce? But at that time, being a student, I didnt care much. I thought he was great and he meant the world to me. Day & night, he would call me from Dubai, just to say hello or good night or just a kiss good night. He cared for me all the way and I felt his presence with me all the time, to keep me safe and warm. I still remembered that once, he had to pay 40,000 dirhams for calls made to me. Pitiful huh? And how he would usually order his dinner from the restaurant below his apartment. It would always be roti and dhaal. Simple dinner but satisfying... Anyway, after 4 months of calling, sms-ing, webcam, e-mailing and stuff, he told me that he would come to KL for 1 week for his holidays. I was really excited. Finally, I get to meet a man that I’ve spoken to for the past 4 months and who seemed to be pleasant and nice. But in my mind, million of questions were popping out. What if he didn’t like me? What if I’m too fat for him? Bla.. Bla..Bla..So the moment arrived when I finally met him in KL Sentral. With his baseball cap and a white tee with jeans and a big briefcase, he walked towards me and asked, “Are you Lynn?”. I looked up, all shy, smiled and before I knew it, he gave me a warm hug. That was it!! That really woke me up. So, in the cab and back to the hotel. At that time I was having my college exams but it didn’t mattered. He was everything above those exams. So we checked in and spent the next 5 days having fun. Or at least, I had fun spending his money. Hahahaha....kekeke...Went shopping in Bkt Bintang, Midvalley, KLCC, bought so many things till I couldnt carry. We even had our breakfast, lunch and dinner in the hotel. My oh my..for once, I felt like a pampered princess. So, it was the final day of my dumb exams and I was heading back to Penang for holidays. I brought him along, he bought the tickets and even booked Rasa Sayang Hotel, which cost around 400 a night for the next 3 nights. And day in and out, people call me as Mrs Ajantha. Even the hotel registration card says Mr & Mrs PLA Ajantha. It was the stupidest joke my cousin had ever played on me. I found out that she booked me a Honeymoon Suite. No wonder there is a bottle of champagne, a bouquest of roses, chocolates with strawberries and flowers all over the bed. Geez...I think I forgot to mention that we went to Genting casino, and he won like 5k and bought me a diamond ring, but eventually I sold it after we broke up, just to get over him coz at that time, I really didnt want to speak of him no more. So,the day finally came for him to leave for Dubai. I couldnt accompany him to KL, so we like had the final kiss in the bus terminal in Penang. Really cried my heart out for the next 48 hours until I finally saw him online on msn. The gifts that he gave me..mmm..I starred at them day and night, night and day. A beautiful Estee Lauder travel kit which cost like rm200, 3 bottles of perfume, dkny, ghost and tommy girl. Countless tees, skirts and dresses, not forgetting shoes and bags and of course, the diamond ring!! Well, this went on for a year or so, he did come down a few times after the last visit, finalized his divorce with the wife. So, he was a new man!! A man with the passion to start all over again. But then, there were objections from his family. Well, his family didnt like the idea of him marrying me, some stranger from Malaysia. Though we tried to sort things out, it didnt turn up well. The days I spent in Dubai were terrible. I had threats, vulgarity thrown at me by his family day and night. But our love was still going strong beneath all the fights and objections. We still loved one another. We wanted to be together. At that time, I was willing to leave everything behind and move to Dubai to start a new life with him. But that never came through. After I left Dubai, I lost contact with the one I loved so dearly. I tried to e-mail him but it bounced back. I called him but was unreachable. I wrote to him, to his company but it was returned to me. I called his friend,Priya and she told me that he has left the airlines. And he wasn’t on msn anymore. What had happened? I really wanted to know. Where is he? Where can I find him? Is he alright? I was like insane and couldnt get my head straight for the next few months. I couldnt concentrate on my studies, work and even my parents. I was at a total lost. But as the saying goes, time will heal the broken hearted. Well, guess, its true. It healed my broken heart. It takes time,yes that’s true. It took me almost a year to forget him. Sold his diamond ring for 4k just to forget him, threw all his gifts just to forget him. I totally erased him from my heart and my mind...
That was the past...
And so today, standing in front of me, was Ajantha! After 5 whole years of trying to forget him, here he is today right in front of me, for real. So, I kinda like had dinner with him at California Pizza Kitchen though I really didn’t feel like eating at all. Actually, I was not in the mood for anything. All I wanted to do was to run home and forget that this had really happened. Why did I have to choose KLCC today? Why couldnt I just catch a movie in 1 Utama? Or just wait for Cathay’s 10pm show? Why? Why? Why? Perhaps, the almighty above has arranged this meeting. Perhaps... And the thought of watching a movie just subsided. I just couldnt think at that time. He really caught me by surprise. Had a great chat with him, yeah, catching up 5 years in a day...he explained that after I left, his family brought him back to Sri Lanka and he worked for his father. He tried to contact me but he couldnt reach me. He said that his dad passed away in 2004 and ever since, his mother has changed. He still worked for his late-father’s company, which is like his now, and over the past years, he had returned to KL, hoping to see me. What can I say? I was dumbfounded. Total lost. Total memory lost. Why did he say this? Why? After 5 years, did he expect me to still wait for him? But I do admit, I still love him. I’ve loved him every moment for the past 5 years though I didn’t want to admit it or express it openly. I really do love him. But looking back, this would be unfair to Brian. I love Brian as well. Both men have different ways, different plus points. But if I were to run with Ajantha today, would it be fair to Brian? But if I chose to stay, would it be fair to myself? I really can’t decide. One part says Brian, one part says Ajantha. I mean, the cooling period is 1 year. Would it be fair to Brian if I were to end it now? I dont think so at all...but if I decided to call it quits after 1 year, will Ajantha still be here for me? Will he? But if he really loved me, and have waited for 5 years, can’t he just wait another year? Or what if I decided to marry Brian after a year, would it be fair to Ajantha?
Or maybe, I should just let both men go....
In the end, at 10pm today at California Pizza Kitchen,KLCC, I told him “I’m sorry.”
Will I ever regret my decision?...
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